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DOCTOR & PATIENT


THE doctor told the worried caller,"No need for me to come out to the house. I've checked my files and your uncle isn't really sick at all - he just thinks he's sick."
A week later, the doctor telephoned to make sure his diagnosis had been correct.
"How's your uncle today?" he asked.
"Worse,"came the reply,"Now he thinks he 's dead."



THE army medical officer was testing a base's water supply.
"What precautions do you take against infection?"he asked the sergeant in charge.
"We first boil the water, Sir,"said the sergeant.
"Good. Then?"
"We filter it."
"Execellent. Then?"
"Then to be safe, we drink beer."



A surgeon, a psychiatrist and an internist went duck shooting.A duck flew over, and the internist aimed, but didn't fire.
"Why didn't you shoot?"asked the surgeon, surprised.
"Are you certain it was a duck,"answered the internist,"It could have been another bird."
Another duck flew over.The psychiatrist aimed, but he din't fire, either.
"What now?"asked the surgeon.
"Does the duck actually know it's a duck?"asked the psychiatrist.
Another duck flew over.The surgeon snatched the gun out of the psychiatrist's hands and fired."Are you sure it was a duck?"asked the internist and the psychiatrist.
"We'll find that out at the autopsy,"the surgeon answered.



A man goes into the hospital for some tests.The medical staff knock him out, and when he comes around there is a doctor peering over him, you know pulling up the eyelid and wielding the reflex hammer.The doctor says,"Ah, I'm glad you're awake.I'm afraid I have some mixed news."
The man says,"Don't hold back Doc, tell me the bad news."
The doctor says, "It was worse than we thought; we have to amputate your left leg."
The man than asks,"What is the good news then?"
The doctor replies,"The man in the next bed wants to buy your slippers."



AN agitated patient was stomping around the psychiatrist's office, running his hands through his hair, almost in tears."Doctor, my memory's gone. Gone! I can't remember my wife's name, can't remember my children's name.Can't remember what kind of car I drive.Can't remember where I work.It was all I could do to find my way here."
"Calm down. How long you been like this?"
"Like what?"



NURSE,"Doctor there's a patient outside who claims that he's invisible."
Doctor,"Tell him I can't see him."



PATIENT,"Doctor, no one want's to talk to me."
Doctor,"Next!"



A man took his dog to the Vet. He said,"Dr,I think my dog is dead."
The Vet told him to put the dog on the table and then left the room. Soon he came back with a cat. The cat sniffed the dogs ears, his nose and then walked all over him.
The Vet said "Yep, your dog is dead. That will be $500 and 35$."
The man said,$500 and 35$! What for?"
The Vet said, "$35for the office visit and $500 for the cat scan."


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