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"OKAY,"said the man,"Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."
"Mr. Clark, I'm afraid I have bad news,"the doctor told his anxious patient, "You only have six months to live."
The man sat in stunned silence for the next several minutes.Regaining his composure, he apologetically told his physician that he had no medical insurance."I can't possibly pay you in that time."
"Okay,"the doctor said,"let's make it nine months."

A man went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and asked,"Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses?"
"Yes, of course,"said the doctor,"why not!"
"Oh! How nice it would be,"said the patient with joy,"I've been illiterate for so long."

A man walk into a doctor's office.He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
"What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor.
The doctor replies,"You're not eating properly."

DOCTOR to his patient,"I've got some good news and some bad news for you." So the patient asks,"What's the good news, Doctor?"
And the doctor says,"They're going to name a disease after you."

WHILE attending a convention, three psychiatrists take a walk."People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears," one sayes, "but we have no one to go to with our own problems."
"Since we're all professionals," another suggests,"why don't we hear each other right now?"They agree this is a good idea.
The first psychiatrist confesses,"I'm a compulsive shopper and deeply in debt, so I overbill patients as often as I can."
The second admits,"I have a drug problem that's out of control, and I frequently pressure my patients into buying illegal drugs for me."
The third psychiatrist says,"I know it's wrong, but no matter how hard I try, I just can't keep a secret."

A man walked into a second-hand body parts shop."How much do you charge for a brain?"he asked the assistant.
"Male brains are $100 and female ones are $60,"she replied.
"Why are they different prices?"queried the man.
"Female brains are cheaper because they've been used,"she replied.

LOU had a miserable cold and went to see his doctor who prescribed some pills.They didn't help.On Lou's next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn't do any good either.On his third visit the doctor told Lou to go home, take a hot bath, open the window and stand there naked and soaking wet.
"But Doctor,"Lou protested,"I'll get pneumonia!"
"Pneumonia,"the doctor replied,"I can cure."

ON the advice of his ear, nose and throat specialist, an elderly man who had gone totally deaf bought one of the latest-model hearing-aids. Some time later, he went back to see the specialist.
"How's the apparatus working?"the specialist enquires.
"It's marvellous!"the man replies."I can hear again, as if I was 20 years old."
"Your children must be happy!"
"In fact, I haven't told them yet.Ever since I've been able to hear their conversation without them realizing, I've already changed my will five times!"

A young woman wasn't feeling well and asked one of her co-workers to recommend a physician."I know a great one in the city but he is very expensive. Five hundred rupees for the first visit and 100 for each one after that, recommended the co-worker.The woman went to the doctor's clinic and trying to save a little money, cheerily announced,"I'm back!" Not fooled for a second, the doctor quickly examined her and said,"Very good just continue the treatment, I prescribed on your last visit."

THE surgeon told his patient who woke up after having been operated,"I'm afraid we're going to operate you again, because I forgot my rubber gloves inside you."
"Well, if it's just because of them, I'd rather pay for them if you just leave me alone,"the patient replied.

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