A young boy had just gotten his driving permit.He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car.His father said to him,
"I'll make a deal with you.You bring your grades up, study your bible a little, and get your hair cut, then we talk about it." A month later the boy came back and again asked his father
if they could discuss his use of the car.His father said,"Son, I'm really proud of you.You have brought your grades up, you've studied your bible diligently, but you didn't get hair cut!"
The young man waited a moment and replied,"You know dad, I've been thinking about that.You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long
hair." His father replied,"Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!"
AT a celebrity party, Stevie Wonder meets golf champ Tiger Woods and mention that he, too, is an excellent golfer.
Tiger is a bit skeptical that the blind musician can play golf well, but he's too polite to say anything.
"When I tee off,"the singer explains,"I have a guy call to me from the green. My sharp sense of hearing lets me aim."
Tiger is impressed, and Stevie suggests to play a round.When Tiger agrees, Stevie asks,"How about if we play for $100,000?"
Tiger insists he won't play for money, but Steive argues until Tiger finally relents and says,"So, when do you want to play?"
Stevie replies,"I'll play on any night you choose."
OVERHEARD in the stable at Bethlehem:"I don't know, you wait a lifetime for a wise man and then three come all at once."
A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman. She looks the man up and down and says,
"I've got news for you.You're going straight to hell!" The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts,"Good heavens, I'm on the wrong bus!"
A government employee found an old brass lamp in a filing cabinet.When he dusted it off, a genie appeared and granted
him three wishes."I'd love an ice-cold beer now,"he told the genie.Poof! A beer appeared. Next the man said,"I wish to be on an island, surrounded
by beautiful and willing women,"Poof! He was on an island with gorgeous women fawning all over him. Oh, man, this is the life, the guy thought.
I wish I never had to work again.And poof! He was back at his desk in his government office.
THREE men were waiting to be interviewed for a job on the police force.The first candidate was called in.The officer passed him a
picture of a man, asked him to study it and tell him any interesting details he noticed.After a few minutes, the candidate said,"The man has only one ear."
"It's a profile,"the officer pointed out. The second candidate was given the same picture and asked the same question."The man has only one ear,"he said after a little while.
Exasperated, the officer replied,"It's a profile!" The third candidate was given the same instructions.After several minutes he stated,"The man is wearing contact lenses."
Impressed, the officer checked the information sheet."You're right! How did you figure it out?" "Easy," the man replied."He couldn't wear glasses with only one ear."
A man decided that he was going to ride a 10-speed bike from Phoenix to Flagstaff.He got as far as Black Canyon City before the mountains just became too
much and he could no farther.He stuck his thumb out, but after 3 hours hadn't gotten a single person to stop.Finally, a guy in a Corvette pulled over and offered him a ride.Of course,
the bike wouldn't fit in the car.The owner of the Corvette found a piece of rope lying by the highway and tied it to his bumper.He tied the other end to the bike and told the man that if
he was going too fast , to honk the horn on his bike and that he would slow down. Everything went fine for the first 30 miles.Suddenly, another Corvette blew past them.Not to be outdone,
the Corvette pulling the bike took off after the another.A short distance down the road, both going well over 120 mph, blew through a speed trap. A police officer noted the speeds from
his radar gun and radioed to the other officer that he had two Corvette headed his way at over 120 mph.He then relayed,"...and you're not going to belive this, but there's guy on a 10 speed
bike honking to pass."
A man walked past a children's playground surrounded by a tall fence and heard them chanting,"Thirteen, thirteen,"loudly.
His curiosity got the better of him and he peeked through a knothole in the fence.Someone promptly poked him in the eye and he fell over.
"Fourteen, fourteen,"the chant continued.
LATE one night, Jack took a short cut through a graveyard.Hearing a tapping sound, he felt a little scared, but continued on his way.
As the tapping got louder and louder, he became more and more frightened until he suddenly came across a man chiselling at a grave stone.
"Thank goodness,"Jack said to the man with relief."You gave me quite a fright.What are you doing?" "They spelt my name wrong,"the man replied.
A flight attendant approached a gentleman who was protesting rather loudly."I want to complain about this airline,"he grumbled,"Every time I fly, I get the same seat.
I can't see the in-flight movie, and there are no window blinds, so I can't sleep." "Come on, Captain,"the flight attendant replied,"Just shut up and land the plane."